Our First Kiss Was Technically a Fight

**Memoir Excerpt: First Kiss**

 *From the upcoming memoir by Nam Won-Sik*

Our first kiss story is finally here, since so many of you voted for it. Side note: it's incredibly windy today, and for those on my close friends list, you know exactly what this kind of weather reminds me of. For everyone else, let's just say it involves Seunghoon, my prostate, and some very x-rated memories that still make me shiver when the trees start bending like this.

 

Twelve years old and already a mess—scraped knees and dirty fingernails. Summer had us by the throat, days stretched out so long you forgot morning even existed. We were doing what we always did: racing our bikes until our legs burned, climbing fences we weren't supposed to, challenging each other to increasingly dangerous dares, and ending sticky-faced from ice creams that melted faster than we could lick them.

 

Even then, Seunghoon had this gravity about him. Hair falling over his forehead when he was thinking, eyes flashing when he laughed, standing like he was already a man. I'd been obsessing over his mouth for years—waking up with the phantom taste of something I'd never actually had.

That day, the universe handed me the perfect excuse. We had exactly one lemon chewy candy left between us (the super sour ones that made your whole face pucker). Seunghoon's absolute favorite. We'd wasted every cent at the arcade, leaving us with just this one precious piece of candy.

 

"I'll rock you for it," he said, already forming his fist.

 

But I had other plans. Before he could throw, I popped the entire candy into my mouth, letting my cheeks bulge like a hamster. "Try and take it if you want it," I challenged, my voice muffled by sugar and sour coating.

 

Something flashed in his eyes! Boy was he competitive. He lunged, grabbing my shirt and pushing me back against the rough bark of an old oak tree. My glasses almost fell off. The impact knocked the air out of me, but I didn't care.

 

His dirty fingers tried to pry my mouth open first, but I clenched my jaw tight, grabbing his wrists to stop him. I deliberately let him glimpse the candy under my tongue—a yellow treasure he couldn't resist.

 

That's when he changed tactics.

 

His mouth smashed against mine, all teeth and raw need. I played keep-away with that candy, sliding it around my mouth, forcing him to fight for every inch of it. His tongue was forceful, searching, and I was in heaven. The sour-sweet taste mixed with the unique flavor of him—something like summer and Seunghoon. His sweat was my favorite smell in the world, my private paradise, and we were both drenched in sweat.

 

Time stretched and compressed. It could have been seconds or hours. The rough tree bark against my back, his fingers digging into my fists, the surprising softness of his lips contrasted with the aggressive way he was trying to claim that lemon candy. My heart wasn't pounding from the struggle anymore—it was thrumming with something much more dangerous. I was drifting into my fantasy world.

 

Finally, I let my guard down just enough. With a victorious sound, he captured the candy, pulling back with it between his teeth like a trophy. He was breathing hard, eyes bright with triumph, completely oblivious to the shudders he'd just sent through my body.

 

He chewed that candy with such satisfaction while I stood there trying to remember how to breathe normally. My lips tingled. My whole body tingled. I'd dreamed about kissing him, but reality was so much messier and more wonderful than any fantasy.

 

"Best candy ever," he declared, already moving toward his bike like nothing extraordinary had happened.

 

We continued playing like nothing had changed, but everything had changed. For me, anyway.

 

So that was the very first time our mouths met. Sure, as we grew older we kissed normally, more aware, more romantic and all, but that was the first time.

 

We still argue about whether this counts as our first official kiss. I maintain it does—it was mouth-to-mouth contact with tongue, after all. He claims it doesn't count because the intent was theft, not romance. I've finally worn him down though—he's admitted recently that yeah, it probably counts.

 

In a way, that candy-stealing kiss set the pattern for our relationship: me wanting something from him, him taking what he thinks he wants, both of us getting something different than we expected, but somehow it turns out exactly right.

 

Speaking of which, I wrote a song for Seunghoon on our new "Monsters" album called "No Middle Ground." It's about this very dynamic—how he meets me in my extremes, how there's no halfway with us, and how his love has been the constant through all my difficulties. I love this man more than anything in the world and have loved him ever since the first day I met him. 

Link to the Song: https://open.spotify.com/track/3WnQQR6F299tpDU2mgcp0q