The Friend Who Changed the Direction of My Life

You know those people who are geniuses? Super talented at everything and somehow acting as catalysts, pushing you into doing crazy things?

I always thought people like that were not real. I thought they only existed in movies.

Turns out they actually exist.

I met Elina Chi-Won during my criminology studies. We talked about bias in homophobic attacks, serial killers and whatever theories we were interested in. We had the same classes, commented on each other’s posts and messaged each other either to discuss something we had read or complain about some stupid and annoying classmate.

We also both belonged to the rainbow family.

Elina told me they were asexual, aromantic and agender, and that they use they/them pronouns. I was hypersexual, gay and male, which is quite a different situation.

On paper, hypersexual and asexual might sound like a strange combination for close friends, but somehow we are extremely compatible. Introverted? Yes. Strange? Yes. Morbid? Definitely. Neurodivergent? Yes. Opinionated? Very. Gay movies? Yes. Horror? Absolutely. Blond mullet? Yes. We kept discovering more and more things where our brains seemed to go in the same direction.

Because I had very few friends, I wanted somebody I could talk to about my personal life, my boyfriend and the other men in my life. So I asked if they were comfortable hearing about all of that.

Luckily, they were perfectly fine hearing about gay sex and all the details that might make some other people uncomfortable.

So we talked more and more.

Then I discovered that Elina was an artist.

A painter.

No, wait.

The painter (under the artist name Volk Kinetshniy) behind that famous Dahmer portrait that has caused debates and chaos online—and they were also doing a PhD involving Dahmer.

Obviously, I decided immediately that I needed them to paint me and my boyfriend.

So that is how my friendship with this very rare person began.

And strangely enough, that painting is still not finished because I keep getting new ideas and requesting changes. I know I am probably every painter’s nightmare, but we are friends, so...

Anyway.

The weird thing is that this person ended up playing a big part in a series of major decisions in my life.

I have always been a show-off. My boyfriend and friends will definitely confirm this.

The problem was that I did not know how to show myself.

Because of my bad reputation and things that had happened in my past, I was uncertain about how much of myself I should show publicly. I kept trying to tone myself down.

Then one day I was talking about this with Elina.

I told them:

“I don’t know what people would like to see, so I don’t know how to present myself.”

And the answer came back like a slap in the face. A very useful slap.

“Who cares what people like to see? You show what you like to show.”

There it was.

That was such a simple idea, but somehow I had never thought about it like that.

So I started showing more of myself.

Maybe I should write a blog, I thought.

Yes.

Then at some point we sang together for fun, and Elina told me I had a great voice.

I said I had always wanted to sing, but I had damaged my voice from smoking, so I had never seriously tried to do anything professional with it.

I still smoke, actually more than before, and now I do it without feeling guilty that I am somehow ruining a voice I was supposed to protect.

And then came another answer that changed things again.

“What? So what? You don’t need a technically correct voice to sing indie or punk. In fact, your voice is perfect for that kind of music. You have to sing.”

So I listened.

I started making music.

And eventually Sticky Shorts were created.

Naturally, once that happened, I wanted Elina involved there too. They are also a writer, and I already loved their poems and stories, so I wanted them involved in the lyrics and concepts.

Then, of course, when Monsters needed a cover, we wanted Elina to do it.

I am not going to analyse the entire artwork here, but the members of Sticky Shorts are connected by red veins to a Devil-like creature.

Which I think tells you enough.

At some point I also told Elina that I occasionally do drag.

So they gifted me an extra-long blonde wig and a very sexy pale-blue dress. Pale blue has always been part of my drag persona.

Seunghoon thought I looked amazing in it.

Other guys agreed.

Somebody even asked whether Elina and I were twins.

That was a real compliment.

The funny problem with meeting somebody like this is that you immediately start thinking, “Okay, what else can I make them do with me?”

You think: what else can we do?

Well, Elina is also a photographer.

And not only a photographer, but one of those people who still uses analogue cameras too.

So naturally I wanted photoshoots.

Our first one was inside an old abandoned building. We spent part of the time expecting something horrible to jump out from behind a corner, but somehow it worked.

Elina said it made much more sense for my first proper shoot as the singer of a punk band to happen inside a ruined abandoned building than inside my luxury home.

I probably agree.

Even though I really love my luxury home.

The shoot was fun, creepy, and I also managed to break a chair by accident.

Would one photoshoot satisfy me?

Obviously not.

I want more, so expect more.

And then there was my memoir.

I had been trying to write it for a long time and had become completely stuck. So naturally, once again, I went to my friend and fellow writer for help.

One of the things Elina told me was: “Why are you leaving the explicit stories out? They are good. They belong there. Don’t listen to anyone who tells you otherwise.”

So I stopped censoring myself.

I put the stories back in, stopped trying to make the memoir safer or more acceptable, and suddenly the whole thing felt different. It felt like mine again. I was not only unstuck anymore; I became genuinely passionate about writing it.

Now the memoir is finally moving forward.

When I look at all of this together, it is strange.

A conversation about criminology became a friendship. That friendship led to a painting, a blog, music, Sticky Shorts, lyrics, an album cover, drag clothes, photography and finally getting my memoir moving again.

Apparently, sometimes those people really do exist outside movies.

Sometimes someone enters your life, says exactly the right thing, and suddenly you start doing things you had been too afraid or unsure to try.

And suddenly your life starts moving in directions you had been too afraid, too unsure or simply too stupid to try before.

Sometimes they appear almost like angels and change your whole life.

I am very grateful that one of them appeared in mine.